happy halloween!

from all of us :)

she means business.

i have to be honest.

i hate people. not all people. just a large select few. i hate people who strive so hard to be different that they end up just like everybody else. i'm done. happy friday.

things i love...

www.etsy.com (i cannot say this enough!!!)

mark.
michael.
samuel.
brandon.
olivia.

kindergarden.

google.

no school days.

and the fact that turkiye unblocked my blog!! yay!!

wordless wednesday; all olivia

most boring post ever.

i don't understand how people love numbers. i mean, i use numbers. i need numbers. i was happy when i did my homework and the numbers turned out right. but i don't love numbers...
and on that note; i'm on my way to class to learn something more about numbers...

math

so i started math 103. and let me tell you. there's nothing that makes you feel dumber than going back to something that you really haven't done in over ten years... i have to say, the teacher is really good. while i'm there, i have it. now, here in ten minutes when i sit down to do my practice problems might be a completely new story! wish me luck. i will need lots of it!

and this is why harry is my favorite! ;)

okay. just in case you noticed my long absence from blogger; it's because turkey blocked the site *yikes* talk about withdrawel mode. well, my good friend harry; (aka mr. atkinson) showed me a different way to get on! yay!!
and so you'd think i'd have a lot to say, right? well... um. no. my brain is a little fried today, and i have to get ready for my math class. so um. that's it. just be glad i'm back ;)

don't you love this face?

i <3 skater boys ;)

speechless

the thing about grief is that there's no handbook on how to deal with it. there's no instant cure or a pill that suddenly can fix a broken heart. you search for words that will bring comfort and come up empty. every thought is half written, every idea seems pointless in the long run.
and if nothing else, this is just one more reminder of how precious life is. how deep gratitude should run. because so often we take things for granted. we want in places that we have no buisness wanting. it is a reminder of how real this life is. my heart breaks continually for things that i have no control over...

rip sebastian.

my nephew sebastian passed away due to complications from surgery... i didn't know it was possible for my heart to break even more.. please keep praying for mario; he's a little fighter. love, lisa

31 for 21 from someone else.

since i'm assuming that you guys don't necessarily check out the blogs that i subscribe to, this is one that i would like to share with you. it's written by datri (opposite kids), and i just thought it touched the whole point that people are trying to make about down syndrome. it's beautiful and sometimes as parents i think that we just need to be reminded to love our kids a little more!

"When Kayla was just a few weeks old, a nice lady in the book club I used to go to suggested I meet her friend in our town who had an 8 year son with Down syndrome. So, toting my little baby so full of uncertainty and possibilites, I went to visit them.I'll be honest, I was pretty shocked and terrified by what I saw. The boy wasn't toilet trained, wasn't talking (just grunting), was constantly flailing his arms, and seemed out of it in general. His mom assured me that her son was a "worst case scenario" and Kayla wouldn't be anything like that.Well, you just never know, do you?The boy is 12 now and was recently diagnosed with autism. His single mom had to put him in a residential placement because he just became too much for her to handle. She says he's doing fine there and is even socializing with the other boys and he's happy. But still, I'm sure it was such a difficult choice to make.Sometimes I wonder if Kayla scares new parents, since she's four and not talking, nowhere near being toilet trained, and is nowhere near her peers (even her peers with Down syndrome) in fine motor, gross motor or cognitively.I think how that boy scared me back then, and honestly in the dark parts of my mind, I wonder if Kayla will follow that same path. But in the end, it doesn't really matter. Because I love Kayla with all my heart. I haven't given up on my goals and dreams for her, but I have adjusted them. So now maybe she won't talk, but she'll use a communication device.One thing that's always bugged me about the Down syndrome advocacy groups is how they always seem to show the sunny side of it -- the successful, "higher functioning", examples. And I'm proud of those people and I understand that it's necessary to show DS in a positive light so as not to increase the already horrific termination rate.But, in the quest to make our kids seem "normal", what does that say about the value of those who are NOT and never going to be "high functioning". Don't our kids have value, too?"

poster child for burger king

i know, i know. i'm a bad mom for feeding my child this stuff, but how freakin' cute is she??

that sandwhich sure was good! now for some fries :)

hmmm... where did those fries go?


oops; i think i ate them all!


*edited to add* that's ketchup and mustard on her face; she's a messy girl!

stolen blog quote of the day and a few random thoughts.

"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections." - unknown
we as a nation have stopped feeling. we have made it a bad thing to be sad, or mad, or annoyed. it has become politically incorrect to feel things. to make our voices heard and to state our opinions. we have become unique; just like everybody else.
now, i am not generally a cryer. i always say that i cried enough when i was a teenager to last me a lifetime. and well, crying just sort of makes me feel awkward in general. (regardless of whether i'm doing it, or someone else is.) however, there are things in life that are sad. there are times when i need to be hugged (and, unless i know you and/or absolutely love you, this is not an invitation to hug me).
there are times when i am pissed off and listen to really loud music. there are times when i yell at my kids. and it is okay.
it's okay to feel things and to wear your heart on your sleeve. no one expects perfection all the time. it's okay to have days when you need to be alone. it's okay to get mad and want to fight. or to feel like you have nothing left to give, but to fight regardless.
there are some things that should never be given up on.
sometimes in life we have to face our fears. if we don't, then we are left with pockets full of regret.
don't quit living because things are scary. don't give up because of the possibility that you might shed some tears. be sad. be horrified. be pissed off. but don't stop living life. fight for what's important. for the things you love.
life is short. we are vapors in the wind. we all feel pain; we just feel it in our own way. pain does not give our life less value. it's what we do with it that determines who we become.
sometimes in life you have to take a stand, no matter what anyone else says.

sam's surprise party

well, since sam has "NEVER" had a surprise party (his words; not mine) this year we decided to mix it up a little bit and try something new! my friend melissa and her kiddos helped me lug the bday stuff to the community center while daddy created a diversion at home. they helped me get all set up (or rather did all the work themselves; that's why i LOVE them!! ;) and things turned out awesome. sam was surprised, embarrassed and well, just totally thrown!

here's him after we yelled "SURPRISE"

he couldn't believe that we pulled this off without him knowing. *lol*

sam in his birthday chair!

okay, for some reason my pictures aren't uploading past these three. but i don't want to skip another day, so i will come back and edit this post later on today when the internet isn't acting so crazy!

here's who you guys have been praying for:

mario:

and sebastian:

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well"(Psalm 139:14).

name frame

here's the newest name frame that i made; please excuse the fingerprint smudges. i didn't notice them until i put the pictures on my computer and well, i was just too freakin' lazy to take new ones! anyways, i made this for a babyshower and her theme was mikey mouse. fun fact; the only mikey mouse comics that i had were in italian, so that's what the background is *lol* click on the picture to see it bigger; it really is cute!

meet jacob

this is brandon's friend jacob:

ironically, his name is jacob daniel like his cousin *lol*

i stole this quote from someone else's page. i love it!

"If you're going to doubt something, doubt your limits." - Don Ward

maybe it isn't migraines.

my head still hurts.

for those who asked:

he's smiling because i made him; trust me, he hates the hair.

life with a preteen.

well, i got another e:mail from michael's teacher. this time it, it wasn't a homework issue but rather a disrespectful non listening issue. and from the tone of the e:mail, i could sort of tell that she wrote it on the defensive expecting me to have all sorts of excuses for my son. and well, if there's one thing that i don't tolerate, it is children who are rude to adults. ESPECIALLY teachers. i know that teachers don't get paid enough to put up with some of these bad kids, and then they have to hear it from the parents who are convinced that their children are perfect angels. so i wrote her back and let her know that while i knew about her taking points off of michael's agenda, he was not truthful about why she took points off, so i was glad to get her e:mail, or i would have been completely in the dark! and basically when michael got home, i sat him down and talked to him. i told him that lying to me or any other adult, was not acceptable. i told him that he's a very good boy, and we are proud of how well he's done in school, BUT when you make bad choices there are consequences. and the thing is this. grounding or spanking or yelling might work with some kids. but with michael, it doesn't. so, last time he got in trouble for not doing his homework i told him, here's the rules. right now, i know that your hair and clothes are important. however, if you can't follow the rules and keep getting in trouble at school (be it for not doing homework or whatever) first, we will get a haircut. a haircut to my standards. and if you continue to have a problem, the second step will be buying four sets of cacky pants, white tshirts and plain shoes and that's what you can wear every day... and i hated like heck to have to take the kid to get the haircut, but i knew that if i didn't stand my ground about what the consequences would be, then he would think that i was a pushover. so far i think it was effective. and i told him that if his behavior improves and he keeps his homework done, then he is more than welcome to grow his hair back out. if not, then we'd move onto the next punishment and i'm sure that after a while he'd get tired of wearing the SAME thing every day.

the hardest part about having a preteen is that you are surrounded by parents who are "too busy" to parent. they complain about their kids, but don't have time for them. they don't ask them questions about thier friends or daily life and they don't care when they get in trouble for the little things. i have seen the result of what happens when you don't take care of the little things..

i love my son enough to make education his top priority. i worry about raising kids in this day and age where parents of 8th graders are getting calls about their children performing certain "inappropriate" acts with boys. i worry about drugs and about people who have no life skills. i worry about kids who go to college and don't know how to do their own laundry or balance a checkbook.

i was not the best student or the most polite child. when i got married my husband taught me how to: a) do laundry b) pay bills; including balancing a checkbook and c) drive. funny now, not so funny at the time.

i am the mean mom who is trying to make her kids accountable for their actions. the mean mom who will discipline your children when you are not there to do so. (using words and letting them know that they can't get away with certain things; i don't lay my hands on random children!) and i'm waiting to get a knock at the door from a parent asking if i yelled at their child for playing with matches in the park. because the answer is, "yes. i did. and where were you?" being a parent is hard work. and some of these other parents who don't do their jobs are making it even harder on the rest of us who are trying.

don't get me wrong. i am not a perfect parent. i yell far too often, hate mopping and make my kids eat cereal instead of something more balanced for breakfast... but regardless, all i want is for my kids to know that in the end, i did it for them. that i love them and want them to grow up and not be afraid of the world. to be able to make it on their own. and to trust that they are good enough, smart enough, and that they can do it. because they can.... i mean, isn't that what we all want for them?

in remembrance.

Today, October 15, is the National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, it has been suggested that grieving parents and family members light a candle at 7 p.m. in their respective time zones to create a wave of light around the world in memory of babies lost to pregnancy and infant loss. Would you join me in this today?

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and goingd both now and forevermore

RIP precious Carla Victoria; you are loved.

brandon's first day of "school"

well, we got to the cdc a bit early this morning, and managed to meet our friend jacob outside!

then since it was still a good 20 minutes before "school" started brandon hung out on the pillows:

while miss olivia played with her new dolly!

then we got hugs from daddy:

and headed into our classroom to play!!

and brandon loved it!

please help keep my nephews covered in prayers!

if you read this blog, i am asking you to please say a prayer for my nephews sebastian and mario born at 24 weeks and 1 day. they are in the nicu and i'm just trying to keep them covered in as much love and as many prayers as possible. also, keep my brother and sister in law in your prayers as this is a very difficult time for them. thank you, love, lisa

...

sometimes
apologies feel pointless;
and broken hearts
run deeper than words.
my heart breaks
into a million peices
each and every time
for you and yours.
i wish
i had
something more
than just nothing.
i love you.

peanut butter and jelly

some things are just better together:

daddy's girl.

nothing.

i am so sad today. if you read this please say a little prayer for my nephews. they were born at 24 weeks and 1 day; i think they are doing okay, but with the distance thing, i don't have any news. luckily they are at a really great hospital. just pray for them to grow and thrive. my neice did not make it... i wish i could be with my brother and his wife right now. that's it. that's all i have today...

dear you...

there are some days when words are not enough.
today is one of those days.
my heart is breaking for the people i love.
and right now i wish that distance was not an issue.
i love you guys.

so much to blog; so little time.

well, i have tons of pictures to put up from friday when we took the kids to arkadash park; but honestly, i'm pooped! i just got home from the first gourmet club; and i forgot how much i enjoy! it is seriously one of my favorite things to do. however, like i said, i'm too sleepy to even blog about it; and on top of that tomorrow the power will be out from 7 am to approximately 4 pm.... sooooo chances are i won't get pictures up until monday.
on the bright side i'm once again rearranging things; so at least i will have SOMETHING to keep me busy all day! until next time folks....

swing life away- rise against.

(i woke up this morning with this song in my head; take what you will from it)

Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer,
are we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars
I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages
and replace them with our own words
[Chorus]We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
I've been here so long; think that its time to move
The winter's so cold summer's over too soon
so let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
I've got some friends,
some that I hardly know
But we've had some times
I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go
[Chorus]We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand,
until you hold my hand
Ill show you mine
if you show me yours first
swing life away
swing life away
swing life away
swing life away
swing life away

i love my turkish doctor.

so after about 21 years of getting headaches; i finally found a doctor to give me some amazing meds. and right about now he's my favorite person. i think this is the first morning in a long long time that i haven't woken up feeling like utter and total crap. my head feels normal for the first time in forever. so, yay for turkey and yay for turkish doctors who work on base!

evolution of a full grown tantrum.

it starts out innocently enough:

eating breakfast:

suddenly, it's starting to form on her face!

next thing you know, it's exploded!

and full on down to the ground!

that's one pissed off baby.

compare and contrast

mikey:

sam:

because pictures are always better right next to each other!

the internet NEVER forgets!

okay; i just came across an old account that i had with shutterfly that i had totally forgotten about; so of course i have to share these adorable pictures with you!

proof that michael and sam really did used to love each other:

mikey and daddy in front of our house at via dezan!
(mark's gonna kill me for putting this picture up!) *lol*

sam and michael on halloween:

nonna with mikey and sam:

baby sam:

hillybilly sam with one top tooth!

baby sam

michael "playing" soccer; he just joined for the free drinks!

there you have it; my little trip down memory lane!! i love it :)